dappled sunlight

dappled sunlight danced in the dark corners of my thoughts and dried tenacious tears.
- waterloo recreation area, jackson, michigan

H&B Party: Part 2

Twelve years ago, when Greg first started at Hobbs and Black, the office Halloween party was geared toward adults. The girls were very young and we looked forward to a non-serious evening out with adults. The building is perfect for throwing parties and decorates beautifully. That first Halloween, he was a mad scientist and I wore a "Second Generation" StarTrek uniform. We danced, had a few drinks, socialized and my pumpkin carving of the "Coliseum in Ruins" won a gift certificate for $75.00. The party has evolved to a family party over his 12 years with the firm. It is different but still fun and we have made it a family tradition. This is the first year in ten Porscha and Cynthia haven’t been unable to attend. It was a bit melancholy for us - which is reflected in the many photos I took of adorable children clad for the occasion. It is a time to look back and reflect on what we have had and contemplate what is to come for us as a couple.

Yes, "empty nesting" is a change - a dramatic, scary, depressing change. New things are coming my way but it doesn't make up for all that I have lost. I am trying to go out and do some of the things we did with the girls when they were at home. We didn't make the orchestra concert, it was just too much for me but the Halloween party was a success. Even in my enjoyment of the present I feel a huge emptiness and my heart reaches out for something no longer here. Like a death it follows me everywhere and I hope that, like a death, it will ease in time.

Hobbs & Black Annual Halloween Party

Dave Pelz Short Course

Ahhhhhh... What a beautiful, albeit challenging, course. It was sunny, I was alive. (photo courtesy of: www.photowithmonkey.com)

anti-depressants

The anti-depressants worked great for quite a while... except for the tremor. It started about a year and a half ago - I thought it was nerves and stress but the shaking has gotten so bad that it is affecting my artwork and neurological tests point to Wellbutrin® as the culprit. I can't have that. Slowly I have reduced my dosage from 3 Wellbutrin®, a Zoloft® and a Trazadone® each day to 1 Wellbutrin® and a Trazadone®, and the tremor is gone. However, the depression is bearing down on me. I just want to sleep, cry, buy things and eat. Each is just a quick fix. I am TIRED of the shakes, tired of the pills - and the side effects (like gaining weight), tired of being sad and tired of being tired. It interferes with my health, my career and my family. When I am not on the verge of tears I just want to SCREAM! SOS, SOS, SOS

red, orange, yellow

fall rustles about my feet, sending up puffs of red, orange and yellow. crisp air lurks in shadows wanting sweaters and jackets to conceal tanned arms, legs and midriffs. it will be months until bare skin is back in vogue and but a short time before this brilliant pallet is replaced with black, gray and white. i will savor every red leaf, every brisk wind, the bright sun on my face and pack autumn away with my humid summer memories. when winter's white blanket covers the barren landscape and inches of down conceals my paleness, i will bring out my store of color and warmth and reread them and reread them and reread them and reread them -

Yearbook Ad

Wheewwww... I almost missed the cutoff date to have a special ad put in the DHS 2005-06 year book. Actually, I missed the official cut off date but the yearbook director took pity on me and let me submit my ad of Cynthia. Take a peek ----

the man

super powers

• able to get out of doing the dishes without breaking a sweat
• can fall asleep with an action flick blaring
• eats peanut butter and mayonaise sandwiches _ without hurling
• gets up before 4a and in a GOOD mood
• eats whatever he wants and never puts on weight
• buy a complete office wardrobe for less then $25.00 - jacket included
• can put more hours in at work than a NORMAL human bean
• never throws anything away

that's our family superhero "the man"

monk_o_matic

hey!... i found the lovely zyn! she is doing a tour in austria and i miss her so. it helps to read her words - what glistening words fall from her pen.

tom helps out

the day started with energy: fabric, pipe, foam and tools covered the livingroom as i worked. tom kept me company and added his help(? -see photo @ left).
just past noon my peaceful existance was interrupted via a phone call from the eldest daughter - she has cut her CU-Boulder classes down to 3 credit hours and was being charged an astronomical amount of $11,000.00 for said class. yikes! the next couple of hours were spent on the telephone talking to the university financial aid office. problem resolved? hardly... she may have to start her working life with a $11,000.00 bill and nothing to show for it.
what will tomorrow bring?

relaxing in AA....

now, this is relaxing and, yes, that is me - sally l. converse-doucette. (photo courtesy of: www.photowithmonkey.com, denis dolgachev)

always on

yes, it is a common enough refrain, but it is true... there just isn't enough time in a day. up early this morning, i took some time off from my iPod mascot project and made breakfast for myself and my husband and did some housework, then i went grocery shopping and visited a friend. now, i will be up until the wee hours of the morning silk screening the backs of said iPods and padding them out. working for myself (slixgrfx) is great and i have some amazing projects going but i always seem to be on. the answer? all these years and I am still not sure.

aren't they great... not to mention beautiful

cynthia is 16 and spending the semester in austria, porscha is 21 and just left home to fullfill her colorado dreams. they are the best and most important things i have ever done. they are not home right now and it makes me lonely and sad, but i am so proud of them and happy for the people they are... i can deal with it. they have exciting, independent lives (wonder where they got that from?). i worry about them, as they are so far away and, especially the oldest daughter, like some dangerous sports and pasttimes - kayaking, hiking, mountain climbing, traveling (alone) - maybe even to Nepal. i put their safety in God's hands and thank him/her for letting me raise them.

longing for "longs peak"

look way back behind us, you'll see my goal. it'a a fourteen to seventeen hour hike, the most physically and mentally exhausting experience my 25 year old neice says she has ever had. longs peak is located in Rocky Mountain National Park, CO and is over 14,000 ft. high. my new goal: to hike it. today is the first day of my training. I ran just one mile but plan to do more this evening. by my next birthday, december 30th, i would like to be running 5 miles per day and be able to do an hour on the "stairs from hell" - not the regular easy ones - at my gym. there will be updates and encouragement will be appreciated.

retail frustration

ohm. ohm. om. om. i will meditate on this photo, on this memory and push out all unpleasant thoughts. ohm. ohm. om. cheap retailers that don't want to pay for my work after they ask for my help and talent will not bother me. ohm. ohm. om.

a road less traveled

Vail, CO - September 05, There is good reason this beautiful, scenis drive is not frequently traveled by non-natives of Colorado. The hairpin turns and washboarded gravel are a challenge, but the view is worth it.

spinning my wheels - October 3rd

October 3rd is never a good day, 19 years ago my youngest brother died - he killed himself. It was a long time ago, but very recent. He is a part of history but comes back fresh at unexpected times. He was handsome, talented, sweet and a bit messed up. God bless you, Steven, and I hope you have found peace, understanding and comfort from your tortures.